Monday, July 5, 2010

Still can't run...

I am sitting here this morning having my coffee and reading my blogs.  I love reading other people's blog especially when I feel I need fuel.  I always read them anyway but there are some days that I soak up every word.  I get filled by the struggles, I get filled by the "rampages" and I get filled by the A-ha moments and so on.  Today, I was reading about someones "stuggle" and it occured to me that I was feeling something similar this weekend.  I have lost almost 50lbs and I am 3-5 lbs away from goal but I was at a bridal shower with a bunch of teeny tiny girls in the their teeny tiny cute little outfits and I still feel embarrassed of my pudgy belly and my gross legs.  Oh I already beat myself up enough for letting myself feel that way.  I don't know which is worse the insecurity or the guilt for feeling it. 
Sometimes I feel when people come across my blog they might think oh she's at goal her struggle is over, she's got it figured out or even what does she have to complain about.  So, I'm sitting here thinking to myself, it doesn't get any easier.  Walking thru life and shopping does get easier, I will not lie about that but I'm talking about food struggles, which is why I'm here to begin with (blogland and WW) but I asked myself if it doesn't ever get any easier how are we ever supposed to live?  Then it hit me, my idea of living means being able to eat whatever I want whenever I want.  Eating all the wrong things at all the wrong times and eat as much crap as I want.  Yup that sounds like livin to me L-I-V-I-N.  But can't I just learn to enjoy good healthy foods and learn to give my body what it wants?  Thats a phrase I've heard bounced around lately and I wonder, how do I know what my body wants??  Well peeps, I guess I'm still searching......  to be continued.......

Still can't run, so I dedicate to staying within my points and eating really healthy this week.  This morning's weight 155.8.  Blah!


Genie @ Diet of 51 said...

You are so right! We need to adjust our idea of what is L-I-V-I-N!

At least, that's the AHA! that I read.

I went to the party for the 16-year-old friend this weekend and saw many teeny-tiny girls. As I could obviously be their mother, I'm not in "the competition" with them, but it did make me think about how I was never a teeny-tiny girl.

There were some girls that weren't teeny-tiny, who would have been me back in the day. What can ya do? Some of us were not born to be t-t.

There were girl's moms there, too, who were probably teeny-tiny at 16. Not so much anymore. I fit right in with them.

Don't really know what my point is, except that I suspect that I will never not-notice the body sizes of girls and women around me. Too many years of comparing myself, not to my benefit.

Let's go with redefining L-I-V-I-N. I like that a lot!

Keep nursing that ankle. You have a lot to look forward to, especially the interview for your dream job!!