Life Lesson a Day

Time Flies

2011-08-22T17:51:00.000-04:00

Wow, hard to believe my last post was about getting engaged, in 12 days I tie the knot. I can't believe where the time has gone. I would imagine if you're pregnant nine months drags on, if you wanna make it disappear, plan a wedding!! We are so super excited about the big day, I just walked down the aisle as bridesmaid this past Saturday, and while I thought it would make me calm down about my own big day, unfortunately it has amped my anxiety to whole new level.

I'm really trying to absorb as much as I can because I know it will be gone in a second. Althought I have a knot in my stomach I have never been happier in my life!

love and miss you all.

Finally!!

2011-01-05T19:15:00.000-05:00

No I didn't get to goal.. lol I got ENGAGED!! New years eve my gorgeous boyfriend of 5 years finally popped the question. Its a dream come true. I'm so happy and soooo in love with my ring.. lol
Hope everyone is doing great, I'm totally over the moon with excitement. I've put on a bit of weight over the holidays so i'm about 10 lbs from goal and still running although the winter has affected that a bit as well. But i did make a new years resolution to lose the last ten pounds and I'm still very determined!
Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and I'll be back to catch up ;) peace xoxox

A little less than good

2010-11-13T07:34:00.000-05:00

I finding the day to day to be a stuggle. Every now and then I get REALLY resentful that I'm not the kind of person that can eat whatever I want to and never gain a lb. I've always been this way and rebelled against it my whole like which is why I was over 200 lbs. I lived my life like I could eat whatever, whenever and just enjoy it and move on. But my weigh always reflected the rebellion. I can diet with the best of them and lose weight like a champ but this is not how I was to live my life. Thin - yes, having everything I put in my mouth taste a little worse than it could taste - no. If only I could put butter on it, or sour cream, or regular cheese, regular mayo, regular bread, regular pasta. Everything in my life has to be a little less than good all the time and I am soo completely resentful of this. I am finding myself rebelling again and the weight is starting to come back on. Very slowly.... slowly enough that I can convince myself I've still got it under control but I'm not sure I do anymore. I am lossing the grip. I can feel it.
I am still running which I guess is my saving grace, I still love it and probably always will but I will not use the excuse that its all I need to do, I know clearly its not. I am still making good decisions for most of the day. Mornings always start out good, lunch time is not bad, even mid afternoon is good most days but by the end of the day I have this feeling of stuffing... Stuffing things into my mouth, down my throat, into my chest... for some reason even bigger bites feel most satifying than small ones, eating faster feels better than taking my time. WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN??? I never used to think that food was related to feelings, or linked to something that happened to me in my past but I've also spent many years trying to figure out what it could be, if it was something like that. I've never never never come up with an answer. I always think that I've had a good life... but its something I think about every day. I even went a few days without weighing myself because I realize that my whole day depends on what that number says. What kind of a life is that??? So I decided to have a couple days where I just enjoyed how I felt and didn't base it on anything else.... but I guess in the back of my mind I knew it was because I had eaten like crap and couldn't bare it.
I've tried to identify my feelings in moments of overcoming urges to stuff my face and I always come up short... its like the urges to eat are so loud it drowns everything else out. Also, I will tell you, its not just the urge to eat, its also alcohol my body screams for.

Last night after work I drove to the grocery store, got a box of wings & a salad for supper, went next door to the liquor store and got a 6 pack of beer. Came home and ran 30 mins on the treadmill. I forced myself to do this so I would feel less guilty for drink the beer and eating the wings, which I have to say was really tough because I felt in a total fog because my mind needed something stuffed down really bad. After that I ate supper and had 2 beers. Only 2... I didn't want anything else after that. So what does that mean? Sometimes it only takes a glass of wine or a few beers and I'm back to good... I guess thats why I've always been able to justify it because I never need to get 'drunk' or I don't find myself sitting on the floor in a pile of cupcakes but its a problem none the less. I've definitely got issues, I don't know where they come from and I don't know how to make them stop. I know it never gets any easier, thats an understatement if I ever heard one... I feel like I'm being tortured every day..... while I know its all in my head, I don't know how to make it stop.
I definitly felt good to write it out, thats for sure!!! Oh and I did I mention I did all this last night with my weigh in being in 20 mins! Ugh.. I'm up, its no surprise.

Food for thought...

2010-10-27T19:20:00.002-04:00

I want to, at the end of this life, to be able to say "Oh, I get it."

Help!

2010-10-18T11:52:00.000-04:00

So I'm still running, still journaling, still getting weighed in, still counting my points and STILL stuck in a plateau. Hovering within the same 3 -5 lbs for months now. Running doesn't seem to give me the boost it used to and I've added distance. I don't know what else to do. I tried that low-carb thing, that lasted about a day! I can't go without carbs!!!! Am I insane?
If anyone has any ideas about busting thru a plateau I sure would love to hear it. I would just love to get to goal once and for all, I'm so close yet the dream seems to be getting farther and farther away.
Help!

Today I learned...

2010-10-08T15:43:00.000-04:00

... that its John Lennon's 70th Bday. Rest in peace.

Is anyone out there?

2010-10-03T15:55:00.000-04:00

Hi Peeps so I realize I've been sort of absent lately.. I suck.. . I get it. Lots of things seem to be neglected in my life and this just happens to be one of them. The weird thing is that its not even the blog that I can't bring myself to, lately I haven't had the slightest desire to get on my computer... its really bizarre. I'm so super busy at work and I'm still running alot so between those two things and TV.. (hello premier week!!!!) not much else is getting my attention. I'm stuck in the middle of a summer long plateau, I'm still going to WW but I've been losing and gaining the same 3 lbs for months.

So, this is my new idea... I'm considering doing a low-carb thing to shake things up. I'm not talking no carbs.. just trying to cut back on them Not only do I need to jumpstart this weight loss I also need to lose this belly fat.. I have the worst pudgy belly and have always had it.. even since I was a teenager I've had a donut around my belly button. Its gotten smaller since losing weight but its still there and it bugs me. I remember doing "no carb" about 10 years ago and lost a bunch of weight and I remember that my stomach started to flatten. Of course I gained all the weight back and more because thats what happens which is why this time I just want to lower my carb intake.

I didn't really think I had an issue with carbs because I don't get bloated all too often unlike my mother who bloats out anytime she eats carbs.. but I decided to just think about what I was eating for a few days and I noticed that I eat a TON of carbs.. I think that I just need to be more conscious and switch out carbs for other stuff. We'll see how it goes! I would love to hear other peoples opinions on this.. does anyway do a low carb or if anyone has any substitues ideas that would be awesome!! I hope there are still some people out there that will read my post.. hahahaha I've missed you all and it feels great to be back!

Today I learned...

2010-10-01T21:37:00.000-04:00

... that they've located a new planet. The name is Gleiss 581G it does have a moon and a hemisphere. Its 20 light years away, has a 37 day year and is the most earth-like planet thats been found!! Cool.
... that Gin is made from Juniper berries.

Today I learned...

2010-09-24T06:32:00.002-04:00

... that I haven't blogged in over a week!! Omg you guys, I'm still here I'm just scatterbrained lately. I'll chat soon. Miss & love you all!

Today I learned...

2010-09-16T18:37:00.002-04:00

... that a person who makes barrells is called a Cooper.

Today I learned...

2010-09-14T18:52:00.000-04:00

... that when we take one step forward we use 54 muscles.

Today I learned...

2010-09-12T16:02:00.000-04:00

... that NY has the largest tennis stadium, its holds 32,000.
... that football season starts today.

Today I learned...

2010-09-09T19:43:00.000-04:00

... that Fiddlehead greens are called Fiddleferns.
... that if it looks like its going to rain and they're calling for thunder & lightning don't risk going for a run or you'll return home sopping wet ;)

Racing & Chasing my goals!

2010-09-08T18:24:00.000-04:00

I ran my first race on Monday. 5 miles or 8k and I loved it. It was tough but it rocked. I completed it nowhere near the front of the pack but not dead last either. My time was 48:36 and it was my best time yet doing 8k. There was this hill that would not end for nothing, it just went on and on and on and me and M were about dead when we go to the top. Fortunately they had a strategically placed water station right at the top. haha. So, I think I'm doing 9k this weekend (not a race) and then there is a 10k race on the 26th that we might do as well. We'll see. I'm going to see how I like 9k first and we'll go from there. As I was running up the hill I was thinking to myself - theres no f'n way I'm running any more races this year, this is it for me! But of course when I'm all done and I come back to my senses I actually am excited to run another race. Who knows.. lol I may have discovered a new addiction.
I went to WW tonight and lost 1.6lbs. Obviously I'm happy with that but I up over 3 last week so I still have to get the rest off. It will happen, what can I say. Its supposed to rain the rest of the week so I'm worried I can't run and I'm pissed I didn't get my lazy ass out of bed this morning to run.... oh well.
Big Brother night...... Go Britney!! I got $10 on that girl, she better win. Night peeps xoxoxox

Today I learned...

2010-09-08T11:42:00.000-04:00

... that seedless grapes aren't actually seedless. They have seeds in them but they are small and soft enough to eat.

Today I learned...

2010-09-07T18:26:00.000-04:00

... that comedian Bob Schimmel died.

Today I learned...

2010-09-04T08:29:00.000-04:00

... that I have new follower. Welcome Robert!!

no running today, we're supposed to get hit with the hurricane dead on! I just hope the power doesn't go out, and if it does, not for too long! Ha.. Poker game at my dad's today since noone will be golfing, which is what every guy in my family does on a saturday around here.

I went to Weight watchers on the Wed and was up! Way up! Its been so humid here I think I might be retaining water... but it was also an eye opener.. I'm getting back on plan and the plan is staying within my points which is what i've been struggling with the most - even though I'm writing everything down.
Wednesday evening after my bf got home I had a bit of a mental breakdown. Its just one of those things that all people go thru that struggle with their weight.... its just exhausting. I ran 4 times this week, I track what I eat, and I watch what I eat (even though its not perfect), I drink a ton of water everyday and to still be up over 3 lbs is just not f'n fair! I'm so tired of it being a constant struggle and but oddly enough as defeated as I get sometimes giving up is not an option.

So, I did really good the next day with staying within my points and was down over 3lbs on my home scale. Just gotta realize one good day is not was makes me successful..... its long term dedicated and rededication that will get me to my goal.

Hope you all have a great weekend... to my fellow eastcoasters DON'T BLOW AWAY!!

Today I learned...

2010-08-31T19:43:00.000-04:00

... that Rosh Hashana is the Jewish New Year. Its purely by coincidence that I have learned two things about Judiasm in the past two week. I actually read this one in the new issue of Weight Watcher mag... lol.
... that the flame on the Statue of Liberty is gold paint over copper.

I also had to say goodbye to one of my favorite mugs tonight. I was doing the supper dishes and accidently knocked my mug off the counter and watched in slow motion as it crashed to the floor. &^%#$%@
The funny thing is that I blogged about that mug here the day I bought it. Like a big goofball I was so excited to have a new mug, so you can imagine how devasted I am. Farewell awesome mug... thanks for all the wonderful hot cups of coffee you brought to my lips. lol

FMM

2010-08-30T20:06:00.000-04:00

Friend Making Mondays!! Check out where it all started at Kenz's blog

I like... running in the morning.
I don't like... Cilantro
I love... my job!
I dream of... marrying the man I love.
I wonder... when he plans on proposing.
I know... that I can do anything I set my mind to.
I went... for a run this evening... its a gorgeous summer evening.
I have... really awesome parents.
I think... too much most of the time.
I plan... to work at Weight Watchers once I hit goal.

I regret... not having tried my bf's grandmothers legendary Mac & Cheese before she passed away.
I do... drink my water everyday.

I drink...beer but I'm trying to cut back on it.
I wish... I wasn't so hard on myself for being so close to goal and putting 5lbs on this summer.
I am... a runner and proud of it!!
I am not... going to give up ever!
I need... stay focused on plan & goal.
I graduated...high school in 1997 and college in 2005.
I hope... to live happily ever after.
I want... to be able to eat what I want when I want without guilt and regret. Its too much to ask, the sooner I accept that the better... but I'm working on it, I promise.

I sometimes... cry when I step on the scale.

I always... listen to Howard Stern on Sirius.
I can...talk and run at the same time ;)
I work... for a grocery store chain designing store layouts.
I cannot... believe summer is almost over.
I avoid... bumping into someone I may be forced to have small talk with.
I will... go to get weighed in Wed night regardless of what the results may be.

Your turn now peeps. Enjoy!!

Today I learned...

2010-08-30T17:56:00.000-04:00

... that I won an award!! Thanks Dawne!!!

Further & faster

2010-08-28T10:24:00.001-04:00

Today I ran 8k!!! My furthest distance to date. I feel so friggin amazing. I ran "the loop" and it wasn't bad at all. A few hills but nothing I couldn't handle. The big challenge will be when we run it the other way because there is a crazy long hill. Oh well, I can do it, no problem. I love running with my friend M... she's so inspiring and I just love running with "someone" and I didn't know if I would. I never would have run the loop if it wasn't for her and she said that made her feel amazing. So I'm glad. She also said we beat her best time doing the loop. I really think running with someone makes me run faster! yay

Eating isn't going as good as I would like but I did manage to not eat a big hunk of chocolate cake in the my office yesterday. SCORE! Not that it was easy and with the help of my boss it was sort of like torture. I saw that the girls in Advertising had a huge double chocolate cake that they were carting around for someone's last day. Of course a few minutes later my boss (who's a total ball-buster btw) shows up at my cubicle eating a huge piece of choc cake. Did you guys get some cake? he says... there's plenty left. Um no thanks I said, I don't need to be eating that, I said. Well, I should have just left it at "no thanks". He then stood over me eating his cake going mmmmm yummmm so good... double chocolate. I picked up my headphone and plugged both my ears.. lol.

Then the guy in the next cubicle is like, you don't eat cake? Well, no, but only for obvious reasons.. hahaha then the girl on the other side of me says.. you can just have a small piece. ENABLER!

ENABLERS ENABLERS ENABLERS.

This is my world people. UGH!

Heehee so I'm proud to say I did not have to run off a piece of cake this morning... just pizza and 3 beers.. HA

Today I learned...

2010-08-26T17:18:00.000-04:00

... that I can eat a whole medium pizza in one sitting and not be full.

Today I learned...

2010-08-23T19:54:00.000-04:00

... that a "Yah-mu-kah".... a Jewish cap, is actually spelled and pronounced Yarmulke. I guess I don't know enough about Judiasm. Crazy.. lol.

Old friends, new runs to come

2010-08-22T09:16:00.001-04:00

Today I connected with an old friend that I haven't seen in years and we went for a run. It was really great. It was the first time I ever ran with anyone so I didn't know if I could talk and run at the same time. She's also a more intense runner than me. She can do 12k where I only have done 7k. I was also concerned that I was going to slow her down. Well, she rocks so of course it was going to be awesome and she would run at my comfort level. I totally kept up to her and we did my 7k run but she's going to really push me further and harder and I'm so excited fot it, this is just what I need. The only struggle was, nots o much the talking, but the excitement in seeing her and having soooooo much to say and just wanting to catch up on everying all at once. hahaha so we were out of breath right away but I have to say, I definitely pushed myself a little further just the first time out. We're already talking about doing a race in Sept.

Im my town there's something called the "Loop" that people run and it just the main roads that loop around my town. I've always wanted to run it but I find it intimidating. Today my gf said that if I can do my 7k run I can do the loop no prob... its only 8k, even though its more hilly I could do it. WELL I didn't even realize the loop was only 8k.. I always thought it was 8 MILES. Now I'm excited!! So thats my plan... she's going to really get me to be where I want to be and I couldn't be happier about it. Still running.... still loving it!

I have a post I'm planning on doing sometime in the near future about having a positive attitude. I'm been wanting to blog it for months now but just haven't. It has to do with someone else blog from a long time ago that I find myself thinking about in random places, like the shower. So, I dunno, consider that a teaser for now... I just don't want this post to be a mile long so I'll write on that topic another time.

Peace xoxoxoxoxoxox

Today I learned...

2010-08-20T19:57:00.000-04:00

... that Sharks have no bones.
... that by nature we are wired to not like blue food. Dieticians say that we should eat off of blue plates and we'll eat less.
... that the movie "The Switch" is great!

Today I learned...

2010-08-18T19:51:00.000-04:00

... that I have a job waiting for me at Weight Watchers when I get to goal. I went to weigh in this evening and when they pulled out my file there was a note attached to it along with the Regional Trainers business card and the note said "ask her if she wants to be a receptionist. *me - shocked*!! Well, along with losing 0.4 I was pretty damn happy that I went for my weigh in. This is exactly what I need to motivate me to get to goal. 5.4 lbs to go.. I can do this!!!!!!!

Today I learned...

2010-08-16T18:07:00.000-04:00

... that I'm coming down with something. I'm trying to sit up to read all y'alls blogs and I'm feelin lightheaded and queasy. uuuuuuugggghhhh

Today I learned... (Aug 13)

2010-08-14T11:11:00.000-04:00

... that Lauren won So You Think You Can Dance.

Today I learned... (Aug 12)

2010-08-14T11:08:00.000-04:00

... that Spatchcock means to flatten, as in Spatchcock Chicken.

Today I learned...

2010-08-11T17:37:00.000-04:00

... that there are no salads in china.
... that in switching my weigh in from Saturday morning to Wednesday night has only caused me to be up 0.6. Hoo-ray!!! I'm gonna try out this Wednesday night thing at least till the summer's done. The weekends are too much pressure for me right now. I need to just relax and breathe.

Today I learned...

2010-08-10T17:41:00.000-04:00

... that the vending machine doesn't have to win!

Today I learned...

2010-08-08T19:50:00.002-04:00

... that Trivial Pursuit was invented by Canadians.

I haven't lost it yet

2010-08-08T11:13:00.001-04:00

Well, the bf's mother left on Wednesday. It was a fun trip but she's definitly a NC girl thru and thru and I think it'll always be better to visit her in her own element. Having said that, I was happy J was able to have some family around for a while... especially his mama. We ate so much crap while she was here though.. ugh. We ate out almost every meal it seemed... and if we weren't eating out we were bbq'n at my parents place. That alone always involve pasta salads, some sort of yummy desert, biscuits, buns, steak, cole slaw, beer... just to name a few. Anyway, I've had bad stomach pains all week and I only ran a couple times. I've tried to make almost all veggie choices but it was a little more difficult at times. I've also had some breakouts which is not fun. My body pinches a fit when I don't give it the right types of food.

Friday night was my cousins wedding and it was sooo amazing. I had to leave work at 430 to drive 1 1/2 hours and the wedding was at 7. There was no meal so I knew I had to hit a drive thru somewhere quick.. Across from my work is an A&W.. ahh what the hell.. So i chowed. Went to the wedding and had a pile of drinks and danced and danced all night. We had sooo much fun. My cousin looked like a barbie doll. She's so beautiful and I totally cried as she walked down the aisle. I got to wear a cute little dress that I bought that week and I'm still getting so many compliments. I'm really surprised at how many people at still telling me how great I look when they've seen my weightloss for months now. But I don't mind, it feels so wonderful and motivating (even though in my mind I knew I was off track and feeling/ really nasty inside and of course feeling 10lbs heavier). We went back to my other cousins after the party and of course with lots of drinks in us we're all now ravenous. We decided against ordering late night pizza but instead my cousin cooked up a feast, we chowed and went to bed. It was the last straw for my stomach and I was up all night. NOT GOOD :(

Me and J got back home about 3pm the next day, went right to bed and slept till about 630. I got up, got dressed and ran out the door for a 7 k run and it felt so good. I was thinking on my run about how I still got it... I haven't lost it yet. I'm feeling hopeless but I can still do this. I haven't been to WW in 2 weeks but I WILL GO THIS WEEK and it will be ok! I'm only up a few pounds so I'm not doomed. As long as I run, and still make good decisions I will be ok! I have to figure out a plan for work... the vending machine has gotten me at least twice last week alone. This is not good. I will do my very best to stay within my points because that is what I need to do to keep this weight off! So last night I made some of my go-to chili. That always helps me stay on track. Filling, delicious, low points, and healthy!! mmm think I might have some now.. lol.

Today I learned...

2010-08-05T19:08:00.000-04:00

... that saffron is the worlds most expensive herb/spice.

Today I learned...

2010-08-04T18:43:00.002-04:00

... that I have a new follower. Welcome Vannah.. I love your blog!
... that Patrick Swayze has a brother named Don, who is an actor. huh?
... that toads are poisonous to dogs. Holla Genie!!!!!!
... that Mother-in-law made it back to NC safe & sound. 97 degrees there, lol.. she should be happy with that.
... that I don't like the Italian veggie ground round as much as the Original. I'm premenstral and it wasn't a good day not to enjoy my spaghetti I waited all day for.. hahaha. Oh well.
... that I think I'm slippin off plan and it scares me. Today I tried so hard to talk myself out of buying a bag of chips out of the vending machine... all I could do was postpone it then I caved. I'm mad at myself and can't figure any of it out... but its not a good feeling. well.......... maybe its the PMS thing..

BB night... peace out. xoxoxo

Today I learned...

2010-08-02T15:51:00.000-04:00

... that I can actually dress shop at a store when the sizes run so small I wouldn't have been able to get a thigh in one of their dresses this time last year. I got an extra large.... ha.. but still. I tried on 2 other dresses that were L and they fit I just went with the one I liked the best... of course it was the only XL. I also didn't want to kill myself when looking in the mirror of the dressing room..... hmm thats new and I love it!
... that my running shorts are falling off me when I run. I'm not losing weight, I don't know what thats about but its annoying.
... that they make M&M's with pretzels in them??
... that this morning I weighed 157.4... not as bad as I thought it would be but I still ran right out the door and did 6.5 km... felt great!!!!!

House guest

2010-07-31T06:25:00.000-04:00

Hi folks, I'm already thinking its going to be another hiatus week. I guess this is just what summer brings and I should enjoy it. However, the bf's mother arrived in town the other night from North Carolina. She's staying with us till Wed so we'll be very busy. Last night, bbq at my parents place and it was lovely but after that I'm not going to WW today..... sorry. (um that was an apology to myself, I never feel good about skipping). So today we're going to go to the Farmers Market and then sit on the water front and eat some fresh seafood (cause thats what we're known for). I think we're going to overdose the poor woman in seafood this week... .but she'll love it, and I'll enjoy eating it right along side her.

I also sort of made a decision about my weight and that is that I am going to try and maintain for the rest of the summer to take some pressure off. Maintaining will still be pressure..... always have to keep a little bit of pressure on myself or it'll all go out the window... but I'm not going to worry about losing right now... its too hard and its making me mental. ha. So, I've decided to relax, keep doing what I'm doing and not expect to see loses, then I'm not setting myself up for dissapointment.

Well, I can hear the mother-in-law stirring around in her room, she'll be up any minute now I better get off.

Yesterday I learned something cool and do you think I can remember what it is now??? I hate that, I really have to start carrying a notepad or something. lol.

Let me think of what I've learned.... hmmmmm.....
Well I learned a really neat new trick with Autocad if anyone cares hahhaah.. ok m-i-l is up... gotta run.

Peace xoxoxxooxoxoxoxxox

Today I learned...

2010-07-27T19:12:00.000-04:00

... that I love running in the morning before work! I got up at 6:10 this morning and ran 5k. I figured I'd see lots of runners, I thought I'd be with my peeps.. all the serious runners who get up early and run before work.. ummmm nope... old men. Old men is all I saw. lol I still love it, I never had so many people say good morning to me on the trail before. This is my new thing (I think).. running before work.. WHO KNEW??

Today I learned...

2010-07-26T21:04:00.000-04:00

... that a new Vegetarian restaurant has opened up in my town. I'm excited to check it out.
... lots more about my job.

I WILL WIN

2010-07-26T06:24:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was lying on the couch and starting thinking about how I've been struggling in the past week. I was up 1.8 this week btw and it always bums me out and causes me to look at things a little closer. So I'm thinking about how my job is changing things up for me, my shedule, my running and generally my system as a whole. I started feeling hopeless and worrying that this could be a downward spiral. Then it hit me... this is a challenge! Am I really gonna let a little challenge like getting my dream job throw away everything I've spent the last year working on???? SURELY NOT! This is me, damn it! If some food thinks its going to kick MY ass, it has another thing coming. I'm a superhero compared to a bag of chips and I've got to stop thinking it can win. I WILL WIN!

Ok, I've decided that, probably soon like my running, blogging may have to be a before-work kinda deal. Its 7:21 am and I've got to run soon (I mean off to work.. lol)

Also, Saturday was my 52nd weigh in... One whole year! I'm planning to do a post on all the things I've learned in the last year and where I am now compared to then... and I will as soon as I collect my thoughts.. Have a lovely day!

Today I learned...

2010-07-25T17:05:00.000-04:00

... that theres enough salt in the ocean to cover the earth's surface 14" deep.

Today I learned...

2010-07-24T09:16:00.000-04:00

... that Yoohoo used to be known as America's #1 energy drink.

I'm here and still learning

2010-07-22T18:12:00.000-04:00

Oh I hate that I've been MIA for so long, but most of all I regret not reading any blogs in a week, I'm so far behind and I hate that! I'm still here and still love you all. I love my job, I've had a really great week. Everyone is so nice and welcoming. I just know that I'm really going to love it there and that this will be my career.

On the WW front, well, I'll be switching my day from Friday to Sat for obvious reasons which gives me an extra day but I still don't think its going to be too good. I'll get back on track but I forgot what its like to work in an office environment where theres always tempting food around and that 3 pm has chocolate calling my name...... not good! I'll get my act together once I get prepared. I need to find something to keep in the office to curb those cravings and get me thru to 5pm. If anyone has any suggestions I would love that! On a better note, I'm running again... I've only been out twice because I've been so busy, but the main thing is my ankle is better and I still got it.

I'm so so sorry I haven't been keeping up with blogs... I feel so out of the loop. I'll probably sit down on saturday with a nice cup of coffee while J's golfing and spend some quality time with my blog's. Thats some quality time that I miss for sure. See you then.

ps- I'll sum up this whole week of "today I learned" with lots and lot and lots! Job, people, the company... I love my new job!

Peace xoxox

I'm too excited to miss sleeping in.

2010-07-19T06:07:00.000-04:00

I've been on a bit of a hiatus but my internet is finally back up and running. We're all settled in our new place and it really feels like home, I have to say. Its 705 am and I'm leaving soon to start my new job. Wish me luck. I'll be back soon to let you all know how it went. Cheers xo

Today I learned...

2010-07-16T18:11:00.000-04:00

... that John Corbett and Bo Derek are a couple.
... that my parents are having a wonderful time in New Orleans.
... that I was up 0.6 lbs today. Its all good.

The offer & what I wore

2010-07-15T19:07:00.001-04:00

So you may have heard that I got the job. Yes, THE job, my dream job. The job I've been talking about for months now. I've been visualizing working there since the day I applied, I willed it into reality. I really believe that. Something in my heart just told me I would work there. Even though I made myself crazy I guess everything worth getting is worth stressing over... hehe. Anyway, this is what I wore....

I took it the day before so I'm sans jewelry and hair & makeup. I figured since I did take the picture I wouldn't let it go to waste. Anyhoo, so the guy told me that it would be weeks but something in me told me that was bullshit.. I think he just wanted to see my reaction. I spent all day yesterday cleaning my new apartment, getting some running around down and making calls to get everything set up and moving in the rain as well. It was rainy and humid and sticky all day, I was a mess, I was in rags, my hair was frizzed out to no end and as I'm finally callling it a day heading back to my parents house my cell rings and its my new boss asking me to come by because he has an offer for me. Panic & excitement sent me into a tizzy. I pulled my elastic right out of my hair and franticly tried to whip it into something presentable (as I'm driving). I ran home changed as fast as I could and was sitting in his office 20 mins later.

So, the offer was amazing, they are going to pay me more than what I asked for (by $3000 annually). I'm so blessed and so excited its surreal. My boyfriend took me out to dinner and we celebrated with a bunch of the yummiest fattiest appetizers I think I've ever had (and um.. 2 celebratory beers..lol).

So, I am planning to go to WW tomorrow but there will no surprises when I'm up... maybe even a couple pounds.. but I don't care. There's too much going on and I'm too happy to let anything spoil my mood at this point. So, thats that.... oh and I start Monday. He told me that I could start the 26th but I'm like hell lets do this!!

Big Brother night.... sweeeet.. Peace ladies xoxoxoxoxo

Today I learned...

2010-07-14T21:56:00.000-04:00

... that I GOT THE JOB!!!! I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, I got the job, to be continued. However, its late and its been a very very very very long and f'n wonderful day but now my head hurts so I'm going to bed to get up and move tomorrow... but I GOT THE JOB!!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek

Oh the humidity

2010-07-14T09:08:00.000-04:00

Its so hot & sticky here its so gross. Theres so much going on as well that, thanks to W F & G (women food & god) I have plenty of opportunity to test my emotional eating strength. I figured out that being uncomfortable from the humidity makes me really tired which makes me want to eat. We also signed a lease for a new place across town and we're moving this weekend. We get the keys tomorrow but we'll probably spend all weekend taking things over bit by bit. We'll spend the weekend at my parents anyway because they're taking a trip to New Orleans for their 35th wedding anniversary and someone has to take care of the cat. Anyway, theres that. I can't imagine the stress that would come with buying or, god forbid, building a house because just the short list of things we need to get done for a new apartment is so tedious and a little stressful. There's the power, cable, internet, phone hookup, now to mention the actual moving.. . and why can't anything just be easy? I had to call the power company twice yesterday because our power was not coming on and its always some glitch in the their system and a miscommunication which leads to power on the NEXT day and waiving of the connect fee...lol. I'll pay the friggin connect fee just do it right the first time!!!!! Don't make me have to spend the day dealing with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha anyway I'm trailing and what's much more important anyway is.........................

THE INTERVIEW!

Yesterday was my dream job interview that I've been talking about for um... months I guess at this point. Well, I'm pleased to say that I nailed it! I walked out of that building thinking I had the job in my pocket. I know the guy that interviewed me which made it a little easier to have a raport. However, knowing this guy also means I really needed to stay on point, and ultra-professional. So, he told me that he was impressed with me, my resume and my portfolio. He asked me if I was available to start right away but then told me that it would be weeks before I'd hear back from him. Anyway, I'm feeling so great about it. I'll keep you all posted.

I'm also struggling with weight a little this week. I'm still not able to run, my ankle just will not heal right. Yesterday I went for a walk and of course tried to run a little and I just keep tweaking it. UGH. This is frustrating. I feel with my running that if I don't keep it up I'll lose it. I know that doesn't make sense but its how I'm feeling.

Anyway, I have to go over to our new place and do so more cleaning. Peace xoxo

Today I learned...

2010-07-13T18:11:00.002-04:00

... that my interview went as good as I could have hoped and that I'll have to wait A FEW WEEKS to find out if I have the job!
... that I'm too hot & sticky & uncomfortable in this humidity to blog.

Today I learned...

2010-07-11T14:02:00.002-04:00

... that "After Bite" is good for sunburns as well.

Today I learned...

2010-07-08T21:33:00.000-04:00

... that cucumbers are fruits, therefore pickles are fruits.
... that we may be renting an apartment below my brothers new place and moving out of my parents. woohoo.
... that Big Brother will have a Saboteur this season. Yes, I'm a die-hard BB watchers ;)

Today I learned...

2010-07-07T21:19:00.000-04:00

... that I can walk a long distance without pain. I will try again tomorrow to walk a little further ;)
... that I love biscotti.

Women, Food and God

2010-07-07T10:40:00.003-04:00

Last night I finished Women, Food and God and as promised here is my review. This is just my personal opinion and only what I took from the book.... I do recommend reading it and you may get an entirely different message.
As you may know I was a little skeptical when I started this book and I still remain semi skeptical but there were things in this book that made me cry, made me pull my feet off the ledge they were propped and sit up straight, make me a believer but most of all it got me to think. There were things she (Geneen Roth) said in this book that I've never heard anyone say that hit me on such a level that it was honestly and completely comforting. Its very possible that the information thats in this book is nothing new, maybe I've heard these concepts tossed around throughout my life but at that moment, in that chair reading that particular line something went click.

One thing that I really thought about during this book is self loathing. When I was 50lbs heavier I was never ever one to talk down about myself (at least not out loud). But I had friends who made fat jokes about themselves and I hated it. It sounded terrible, desperate, and pathetic. I don't know if I felt like I didn't need to further bring it to peoples attention that I was fat or if I felt that if I pretended I didn't know that I was people wouldn't notice either (I think that latter). Since losing 47lbs, actually since having a good chunk of it off I find myself beating myself up more than ever! Whats that about? I hate my thighs still and I don't remember paying too much attention to them before and I always thought I was smaller than I was I just couldn't allow myself to look at pic of myself, those never lied. I realize now that losing weight has peeled off layers I didn't know were there and I'm left completely vulnerable and uncomfortable. I feel like people see me more clearly therefore are more likly to judge me. How's that for eye opening, how did that escape me before? Dunno, but I see it clear as day now. Its also not just physical, I'm struggling with how people take being around me. I used to love to be around people and now I feel like everyone hates me and I'm the most annoying person to be around. The truth is people love me, they enjoy being around me, I'm told this all the time because I have a life-of-the-party kind of personality but I have to say that I really hate this about myself and am always wishing I was one of the girls that just fades into the background.

Ok, breathe.

The second thought that resonated with me is the idea of not allowing myself to feel pain. The reason I was skeptical of this idea is because I do feel pain, I think I feel it all the time, but is the pain I'm feeling linked in anyway shape or form to food & weight? A-ha. She talks about something in the book that I've NEVER heard someone talk about before. Something I have talked to my mother about and in my own mind have blamed her for because my whole life she was such a worrier and now I'm a compulsive worrier as well. Here is an exerpt from the book;

"I used to think... that the less I showed up, the less it would hurt when I lost everything. ............. Sometimes I shock myself. Sometimes I wish my husband, Matt, would just die and get it overwith. In my most regressed moments (seeing through the eyes of a child), I live between fearing doom and wishing for it, between worrying that Matt will die every time he walks out the door and convincing myself that I will be relieved when he does. "

Now the second part is a little hard to swallow because I never in my heart ever thought I wish J would just die and get it overwith because I really do believe losing him would break me. The idea of it is too much to take. I'm willing to accept that its only me and Geneen who have ever felt this way but every time J leaves the house I imagine that it will be the last time I see him. I'm scared to death that my father will have a heart attack on the golf course and everytime my mother calls while I'm out I imagine if I don't call her back right away something may happen and I'll always live in regret. Ok so, pretty heavy right? This is the idea that I've created for myself that I cannot handle anything. That I am not strong enough, that I will break, snap, my heart is not resilient and it will crumble.

It goes on to say that life as we know it is not intolerable, the pain has already happened and we continue to push it down instead of just feel it because, you know what? We will be fine, out hearts will not crumble and we are stronger than we let ourselves be. If we could just stop eating for a second to feel for one second we would discover that its not all that bad, well... we will. not. break. and thats the point

I really do believe that how these two points link up for me is that eating is creating a secondary issue. One that is manageable, and in my control. I started wondering if I eat to cover up pain. I decided for the last two days to feel when I wanted to eat. I have decided to try and listen to my body an what it wants and not what my head wants. This will be hard but I think it will be worth the effort.

"It takes great effort to be effortless at anything"

Ok so, sorry for the long post. She does get into many other things in the book obviously, like eating guidelines, disengaging the "voice", meditating. This is just the two points that really stayed with me and, in a way, cracked me open. I hope you all read it and share your thoughts. I hope it can be enlightening for you in some way. Cheers

Today I learned...

2010-07-06T20:33:00.000-04:00

... that I received a Sugar Doll blogger award - thanks Suzi Storm, my fellow beer drinking chica!
... that Lindsay Lohan is going to jail for 90 days.

Today I learned...

2010-07-05T20:23:00.000-04:00

... that reading Women Food and God has affected me more than I thought it would.
... that a walk on the beach in the evening fills my soul.
... that my brother and his wife got an apartment and are moving out. Thus we will be taking over the basement... woohoo.

Still can't run...

2010-07-05T10:02:00.000-04:00

I am sitting here this morning having my coffee and reading my blogs. I love reading other people's blog especially when I feel I need fuel. I always read them anyway but there are some days that I soak up every word. I get filled by the struggles, I get filled by the "rampages" and I get filled by the A-ha moments and so on. Today, I was reading about someones "stuggle" and it occured to me that I was feeling something similar this weekend. I have lost almost 50lbs and I am 3-5 lbs away from goal but I was at a bridal shower with a bunch of teeny tiny girls in the their teeny tiny cute little outfits and I still feel embarrassed of my pudgy belly and my gross legs. Oh I already beat myself up enough for letting myself feel that way. I don't know which is worse the insecurity or the guilt for feeling it.
Sometimes I feel when people come across my blog they might think oh she's at goal her struggle is over, she's got it figured out or even what does she have to complain about. So, I'm sitting here thinking to myself, it doesn't get any easier. Walking thru life and shopping does get easier, I will not lie about that but I'm talking about food struggles, which is why I'm here to begin with (blogland and WW) but I asked myself if it doesn't ever get any easier how are we ever supposed to live? Then it hit me, my idea of living means being able to eat whatever I want whenever I want. Eating all the wrong things at all the wrong times and eat as much crap as I want. Yup that sounds like livin to me L-I-V-I-N. But can't I just learn to enjoy good healthy foods and learn to give my body what it wants? Thats a phrase I've heard bounced around lately and I wonder, how do I know what my body wants?? Well peeps, I guess I'm still searching...... to be continued.......

Still can't run, so I dedicate to staying within my points and eating really healthy this week. This morning's weight 155.8. Blah!

Today I learned...

2010-07-04T20:08:00.000-04:00

... that my ankles is starting to feel slightly better. I am really really really missing my run.
... that while I was dreading going to a bridal shower today I'm really glad I went. Even though I over ate on delicious snack foods it was a good time

The wheels on the bus go round and round

2010-07-03T11:33:00.000-04:00

Another hot weekend by the pool with a full house, and too much food and drinks. I can see the summer is going to be a whole lot of this. Well, I shouldn't complain, I'm actually really blessed to have such a wonderful close family but I'm making myself always feel guilty about what I'm putting in my body. My ankle is still out of commission. I probably didn't take as good care of it as I should have because I really figured after a few days I'd be find but every day I wake up and it hurts just as much as the day before. Finally, yesterday I bought a brace for it and it was the first relief I felt in a week. Now my adorable neice/favorite little person in the world is here and I simply choose to chase her around and play with her.... ankle be damned.
I also started reading the book Woman, Food and God. I have to say I'm very skeptical. I'm not really one to read "self help books" and I have always struggled with the idea that my over-eating is a link to my past, or my child hood. I guess on some level I believe that whole thing but I always find myself asking "is the reason I'm eating these chips because I didn't get something I needed as a kid". I feel like if I keep digging and digging maybe I'll find something I can attribute it too but then whose to say thats the reason?? Who really knows?? Thats why I tend to lean towards the idea that its all bullshit. I definitely do believe in emotional eating... but that makes perfect sense to me. Food is comforting, it releases warm and fuzzy chemicals in the brain that ease pain and discomfort so on a very realistic level people eat when they're stressed, or sad, or frustrated and (for me) bored. I've always struggled with eating out of boredom... that, and the fact that I love love love food. Having said that, I do try to figure out why I love to be full.. maybe there is something in that. Sometimes I feel like being full feels like a warm blanket around me. I don't like to eat till I'm satisfied... ugh... when they talk about in WW I just want to gag... full is where its at... I'm never satisfied till I'm full. Ok so anyway, I will read the book and I will keep an open mind and I will look for enlightenment but what I don't think I'm going to find is that one moment in my life that is causing me to always choose chips over apples. I'm trying not to be synical but when it comes down to it I have to take responsibility that its all about choice. These food make you fat - don't wanna be fat? don't these those foods. Oh my... hahahahahahaha if only it were that easy. Maybe there is something to it... maybe I even hope so.

Today I learned...

2010-07-01T22:29:00.000-04:00

... that 1 Stone equals 14 lbs.

Today I learned...

2010-06-29T20:25:00.002-04:00

... that to "focus" a skateboard means to break it in half.
... that Toy Story 3 is great, and watching a movie in a theatre full of kids is a lot more enjoyable than I thought it would be.
... that PEZ (as in the candy and the dispenser) come from pfefferminz, German for peppermint.

Today I learned...

2010-06-28T22:03:00.000-04:00

... that I got the interview.... July 13th. EEEK!!!!

You better ice that

2010-06-28T19:53:00.000-04:00

Some really wonderful things happened this weekend and some not so wonderful. A friend of the family got engaged, my cousin got accepted into medical school and will be moving back from out west and I finally got called for an interview for my dream job!! So excited! He told me that he is looking forward to sitting down with me again since its been a few years and he told me to bring salary expectations, a portfolio, and my "A game". I am locked and loaded with all 3. The interview is not for 2 weeks so I have plenty of time to fully prepare and I'm trying to convince my boyfriend that I could best fully be prepared after a week in Mexico. Because he loves me so much he spent some time looking at last minute flights, but the dates won't work out. Oh well.
So, not so wonderful? Well, it was a whirl wind weekend, mixed with good and bad. My brother and his wife had a "reception" bbq at a local park and we had a full house all weekend. Lots of relatives hanging around, lots of food and drinks and all "on plan" kind of crap went right out the window. Then to top IT ALL OFF in a failed attempt at a limbo competition, if you could even call it that - it was more like bordom from waiting for something I can't remember what, someone spotting a gate that looked about the right height, and someone's brilliant idea. Not me, for the record. Anyway, I totally and completely rolled over my ankle and its still getting fatter by the hour. I'm limping and won't be running for some time *insert bawling and crying* WHHAAAAA. This also means I don't have much else to fall back on to undo the damage done to my body this week (and by that I mean eating and drinking my face off). And as I mentioned before, my poor mother popped her shoulder in sleep and now she's in a brace as well. We're a sad bunch I tell ya, and now I'm feeling like I should have ended this post with the wonderful things.. lol. Anyway peeps, I'm really behind on all your blogs, I didn't touch my computer pretty much all weekend and got way behind, which I HATE.
So, Friday I had my weigh in and as I'm waiting in line I see on the bulletin board "Walk it challenge IS on - June 24" WTH? Nice that they change the date and don't tell us and all that time I was convinced they had changed the location. I'm so completely over it by now, too much time passed for me to cool down.. hahaha and in my mind I did that 5k and thats all that matters. Oh and I lost 0.2 - Yay me!!!

Today I learned...

2010-06-27T20:49:00.000-04:00

... that my mother popped her shoulder out in her sleep and had to go to the emergency room at 6 this morning.

Today I learned... (June 26)

2010-06-27T20:34:00.000-04:00

... how to play washer toss.
... that when your brother gets married, your sister-in laws-family is not technically your in-laws. hmm.

Today I learned... (June 25)

2010-06-27T20:32:00.003-04:00

... that I lost 0.2.
... that the Walk it challenge was changed to the next day and thats why noone was there.

Walk it, run it, whatever

2010-06-24T10:53:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I ate everything in sight. I couldn't stop! Cookies, crackers, chips, bread & pb, pickles, kiwi, the list goes on and on. Anyway, this morning I was up 1.8. I weigh in tomorrow so I have to try and get that off today somehow.. lol. My day has started out good, but they always do. I'm so bored that the days feel very long and I have YET to hear about that job interview. I have been informed that I will be one of 3 being interviewed once they start the process. I'm totally thrilled about that, don't get me wrong, but the waiting is killing me!
So yesterday was our WW Walk it challenge. I have to say I'm a cross between disappointed and pissed off. Me and one other lady showed up, and she walked one lap and left. I was so unmotivated when I saw that there was no sign that there was even a walk going on, no leaders, no nothing. We were to do 6.5 laps around a local track. There was tons of soccor practices going on but no sign of any weight watchers. I figured since I had drove across town and had all my gear on I'd get a run in anyway. I guess I'll find out what happened tomorrow. I was mostly pissed because I NEVER do things like that... I'm not one to get involved in "events" or sign up for a runs, etc. but I figured I would step outside my comfort zone and get involved for once. Well, I was only left feeling bummed out, let down, and feeling like this is exactly why I don't do this sort of thing. Also, that my kind of peeps ran the Johnny Miles on the weekend. Thats probably the sort of thing I should have been involved in. Oh well, life goes on, I'm glad that I at least found the motivation to run it anyway. Weigh in is tomorrow, I hope I can have a loss, even a small one would do. Later peeps xoxox

Today I learned...

2010-06-23T21:21:00.002-04:00

... that all the numbers on a roulette wheel add up to 666.

Today I learned...

2010-06-22T21:04:00.002-04:00

... that visage is french for face.

Today I learned...

2010-06-21T19:02:00.000-04:00

... that Jimmy Dean the sausage king died.
... that my mother's Goulash is like crack to me. I literally stood over the pot gorging... ugh my belly.
... that Ben Franklin owned newspapers and printed money. Is there anything this guy didn't do?

Johnny Miles Marathon Day

2010-06-20T12:03:00.003-04:00

Today I woke up to the sound of clapping outside of my window. I got up to see what all the fuss was about. Of course, its marathon day. I just didn't know that markers were set up on my street. I guess its been years since they did that route. Anyways, I got up and decided I was going to make some coffee and sit on the veranda and watch them. I came down the stairs to find my sister-in-law sitting at the window watching them. She put on some hot chocolate and I made some coffee, we each grabbed a blanket and took our position.

It was a blast cheering on all the runners.

There was a 5k, 10k, half-marathon and full marathon. The half marathoners ran around this sign twice.

Full marathoners kept going and turned around up the street

Then I saw my friend Liz running the half.... GO LIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I figured I'd run when it was all over since they all inspired me and I figured for sure I'd be the only one..lol. But then it started to rain.. booooo! Anyways, hope you enjoyed some pictures, I guess it wasn't a lazy Sunday for everyone. Cheers

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!! HAHA

Today I learned...

2010-06-19T20:21:00.000-04:00

... that I can enjoy a beautiful wedding even if I don't know the bride or groom.

Bring it!

2010-06-18T10:46:00.001-04:00

I'm back from weigh in and I lost 2.6! How could I not be thrilled? I'm knew I did good this week and would be able to get off the weight I gained last week. It rained all day yesterday so I was feeling so bummed and blue, then the clouds broke and it stopped raining for a little while so I ran. I decided to go for a quick run before it got too dark, so I only ran 3k. Theres just something about saying you've done all you can do at the 11th hour, ya know. I'm back to being 3lbs away from goal. My bf was so happy for me, he came in and gave me a big hug (his support is all. I. need. in this world) then he told me to get the last 3 lbs off this week... hahaha.. he's so cute sometimes *eye roll*. So there's not much else new, its supposed to be a ~~BEAUTIFUL~~ SCORCHING HOT weekend, so excited.

I am going to a wedding with my grandmother tomorrow afternoon/evening. Its a young couple that lives next door to her and she brings them cookies and they bring her desserts and take out her trash & stuff... its a cute friendship. So, she asked me to be her date. The funny thing is I graduated with the guys older brother and haven't seen him since then, so I'm curious to see who else from my graduating class will there. I have this feeling I'm going to a high school reunion and I have to say THANK GOD I'm not 50 lbs heavier... am I right or am I right?!? I'm loving the dress I have to wear, and theres no better feeling then going somewhere feeling confident that I look good instead of being completely humiliated and feeling like everyone whispering saying "ooooh she got fat". When I moved back a year ago that was what I felt. I didn't even want to bump into someone in the mall cause thats all I would think. No more!! Bring on the weddings, the reunions, hell, I'll bump into any ol ex at this point.. Bring it! hahaha have a great weekend peeps xoxoxoxo

Today I learned...

2010-06-17T21:44:00.000-04:00

... that they make reusable pads and something called the DivaCup to replace tampons. Too weird. Being "green" is one thing but theres a limit.
... that in my town people jog in the mornings and walk their dogs in the evening... lol, so it seems.

Dodged a bullet, keep on keepin on

2010-06-16T10:31:00.001-04:00

I'm feeling really good this week I have to say. I weighed myself yesterday morning and I was back down to 153.4! I was so happy about this I went right out for a 7 k run, and ate really well yesterday. Then, the evening came and I just didn't feel like cooking. We decided to get some Subway, I figured I'd eat a 6 inch veggie and have some of my chili with it. Then somehow we got the idea of Quizno's, we had some coupons that came in the mail a few weeks ago with some pretty good deals. DAMN THOSE MAIL COUPONS. I usually throw them out when they're KFC or McDonalds but we hung on to these one. Anyway, you all know how it went from yesterdays lesson. I decided to get a veggie sub regular size, what harm could that do to me? WELL, 19 friggin points. I was devasted, I felt bloated and gross and walked around holding my stomach for an hour. My boyfriend said I'm only bloated because I found out what was in it... he's probably right. Anyway, I drank tons of water last night, got up at least twice to pee throughout the night. This morning I weighed 153.2, oh thank god! I don't know how I managed that with all the sodium but I'm not taking that for granted. I hope I don't pay for that tomorrow but I've already had my run and its nothing but water and eating good from here on out.

I'm feeling back in control and thats everything to me. I just love when the sun is shining I decided to show some pics of my street and how beautiful it is outside. How can you not want to run up and down this street. lol. I run along a trail which is really pretty and someday when I decided to take my camera with me for a run I'll take lot of pics.

Down my street, not a cloud in the sky!

Up my street

Oh and thats my hot black car at the top. *sigh* I love my car. It was my way of getting a sportcars out of my system before I settle down....lol.

Well, I hope you're all having a beautiful day. Peace xo

Today I learned...

2010-06-15T18:55:00.002-04:00

... that a Quizno's regular size Veggie sub has 19 pts! 870 cal, 51 g of fat, 2290 mg of sodium and 11 g of fibre. I have GOT to start checking this shit before hand.
... that Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts and Ken's last name is Carson.
...

Today I learned...

2010-06-14T20:09:00.000-04:00

... from Genie @ diet of 51 that a group of foxes is called a "skulk", a "troop" or an "earth". That is weird Genie, thanks for teaching me something new gf!
... that grilled portabella mushrooms are a great burger alternative for 0 pts. Yum!

Today I learned...

2010-06-13T19:00:00.002-04:00

... that a flock of Crows is called a Murder.

Today I learned...

2010-06-12T19:05:00.000-04:00

... that Armadillos can swim and they also carrie tons of horrible diseases.
... that snakes are not venomous if their eyes are round as opposed to cat-like.

Cock-a-doodle-GAIN!

2010-06-11T11:33:00.001-04:00

Today I had my first BIG gain. In the 49 weeks I've been a Weight Watchers I have totally knocked it out. I am usually modest but if there's one thing I should pat myself on the back for its losing 45lbs. I have only gained 3 times before today - 0.4, 0.4 and 0.8. So, never over a lb so I was always able to make myself feel ok about a little gain. Well, today... hmmm....... 2.4! Again, I managed to not beat myself up for it. The truth is I knew it going in so I wasn't surprised. My mother was more surprised because she sees me coming home for jogs, she sees I make good food choices, but everyday day I got on scale this week the number would not budge. I skipped my meeting last week because I was up and I was still up this week. So... oh well, what can ya do. I mean I know what should do, stop messing around and get these last damn 5 lbs off already!! Geez, so much easier said then done.
I have a confession to make.... Oh god here goes. I have been so slack, well cocky is the best word if I'm being honest. I feel so great where I am right now, even though I really want to be a lifetime member I am just thrilled at my weight right now. I love how clothes fit me, I love how I look (with clothes on, but thats never going to change..lol) and I find myself thinking, oh enjoy yourself you'll gain a pound not 40. This is wrong wrong wrong you guys, this is where it all goes downhill. I have NO right to be cocky, I will end up exactly where I started if I don't get my attitude under control. Soon its a little extra mayo, or some cheese with that, or beer or two sitting around the pool on a Wednesday. Its got to stop, and I don't know what to do. I'm so far from where I've come, I've lost sight of it!

I am going to try so hard this week to do all the right things. No munching my face off, my blt's are out of control (for none ww'ers thats Bites Licks & Tastes) I'm eating a half cookie here, gorging on fruit trays, a few crackers here and there, breaking off a piece of a biscuit as I walk by... HELP ME!! PLEASE!!
So, this week I commit to RUNNING! I did actually burn over 1200 cal running this week, apparently it wasn't enough.
I commit to staying within my points and TRACKING EVERY LITTLE THING THAT GOES INTO MY MOUTH!
I commit to water water water.
I commit to eating protein.. I'm making some of my go-to chili and that always helps. Vegetarian, Fibre, Protein, Filling CHECK

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend my lovelies. Peace xoxoxoxoxo

Today I learned...

2010-06-10T20:02:00.000-04:00

... that the Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup.
... that couscous is not a great substitute for Quinoa.. lol.

Today I learned...

2010-06-09T19:19:00.000-04:00

... that John Stamos is joining the cast of Glee next season.

Today I learned...

2010-06-08T18:45:00.000-04:00

... that Pink wrote Adam Lambert's "Whataya want from me".
... that Seinfeld started 20 years ago last week. Wow.

25 Questions

2010-06-07T09:16:00.000-04:00

I also thought this would be fun today, since outside looks alot like this...

So, here goes (I got these from Kenz @ all the weigh)

1. How old are you? 31

2. Favorite color? Orange

3. What state do you live in? I don't live in a state.

4. If you had to choose between giving up your cell phone and giving up chocolate what would you choose to live without? Cell phone, I hardly use my cell anyway. It stays dead for days and I don't even notice.

5. Do you have a pet? I live with my parents and they do. An AWESOME cat named Squeak.

6. Paper or plastic? Paper or plastic what?

7. Favorite fruit or vegetable? Hmmm thats a tough one. I love avacados, asparagus, cucumbers, oranges, apples, grapes, all berries. I still believe the a potato is a veggie even though it gets a bad rap... probably my fav!

8. Favorite characteristic of the opposite sex? Hmmm I love manly-ness. I just love when a man is handy and pretty much any sort of manly thing is great!

9. Favorite physical trait of the opposite sex? Strong hands.

10. List 3 of your best qualities. Loyalty, thoughtfulness, self-awareness.

11. List 3 of your worst qualities. Highly sensitive, stubborn, brutally honest.

12. Favorite tv show? Friends, BL, Survivor, The Office.

13. If you were stranded on an island for a week what would you want to take with you? My boyfriend.

14. Do you have a favorite board game? Yes, Trivial Pursuit.

15. Do you smoke or drink? No and Yes.

16. What kind of perfume do you wear? None.

17. What is your favorite book? Oooh again thats tough. I love all Dennis Lehane books (Shutter Island, Mystic River, Gone Baby Gone, to name a few that made it to movies), The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, and now reading The Girl Who Played with Fire.

18. What are you most afraid of? Losing someone I love.

19. Your best physical feature? I'm trying to think of something I get complimented on... now thats really sad cause I can't think of anything right off.. lol. Oddly, I get compliments on my eyebrows. I guess I do have nice eyebrows.

20. If you could go anywhere right now and stay for a month where would you go? The Mayan Riviera.

21. What are your hobbies? Jogging, Blogging, Reading.

22. What accessories do you wear at all times? I don't wear any one thing but I always try to wear something around my neck and something on my wrist or I feel bare.

23. Do you pronounce the 't' in often? I actually don't know the anwser to this.

24. What is the last song that played on your mp3 player? Tic Toc - K$sha.

25. Share something that made you happy today.

I layed in bed talking to my boyfriend for almost an hour.

Well, that was fun, I hope I get to read some of your answers soon. xoxoxoxo

Today I learned...

2010-06-05T13:13:00.000-04:00

... that I'm not a perfect weight watcher. I skipped my weigh in today and I feel guilty about it. I weighed myself this morning and I was up 2 lbs and couldn't face the scale at WW. I know this doesn't make any sense but I just don't want my weight this week to be recorded. I also knew that I was going to blow off the weigh in when I decided to go to a hockey party last night. Hey, its the finals and I'm in Canada, what can I say.
... that switching my weigh in to Saturday so far hasn't been the best idea.. haha oh dear.

A little less shocking

2010-06-04T15:22:00.001-04:00

A while back I had taken some photos of myself for comparison and posted them. I had compared me at 173.4 to 162.6 and I have to say I was pretty shocked at the difference. I didn't feel so different so the pictures really told me more than I was aware of. Well, now I'm 153.8 and I decided to see what another 10 lbs looks like. I tried my best to recreate the photo but I live in a different house now so I didn't know how close to stand to the mirror.. lol. Here they are - 173.4 - 162.6 - 153.8

I have to say, I'm a little less shocked with this one. I'm standing back further but I am really having a hard time seeing where I lost the 10lbs from. Maybe in my thighs a little, maybe my belly a little. Anyway, there it is. That was fun and will probably be the last time I do that because I don't think I'll ever see 143..lol. But hey, maybe if I get to 145 ish someday I'll do it again.

So, I didn't go to weigh in this morning, I decided to change my weigh in day to Saturdays. I already think its a better idea because I ate really good all day and we're going to my brothers for a bbq tomorrow night so I'll get to have my actual cheat day on a day when I would splurge anyway and not just plow on a friday because I can. So, thats a good thing. I'll let you all know how it went. I hope there's not too many peeps at this meeting, I hate crowded rooms and long lines.. ugh.

Today I learned...

2010-06-03T20:09:00.000-04:00

... that Chili Peppers are a fruit.
... that Rue McClanahan died this morning. RIP Blanche Devereaux, we'll miss you :(
... my very first song on the guitar. My little brother is teaching me to play... I'm thrilled. In case any of you are wondering my first song is "Come As You Are" by Nirvana.

Today I learned...

2010-06-02T21:37:00.000-04:00

... that today is National Running Day! Ran my furthest - 7km.. Sweated like a pig and it rocked!
... and I can't believe I didn't know this, Gary Coleman died??? WTH, I didn't know that!

Today I learned...

2010-06-01T20:06:00.000-04:00

... that the store planner job posting has been extended to June 4. I really hope this is worth the wait.
... that some men will actually agree to go see Sex and the City 2, um certainly not my man. Just in case you're wondering..... it rocked!!

Today I learned...

2010-05-31T21:25:00.000-04:00

... that Dennis Hopper died. Sad.

Confessions

2010-05-31T07:58:00.002-04:00

I got on the scale this morning and now I'm depressed. Great way to start out a post huh? Ever since I started weighing in on Friday's instead of Saturdays my cheat days goes from Friday into Saturday and carries over till Sunday. I really think I need to switch it back. I originally changed to Friday's because Friday night in my house (parents house) is pizza night and I didn't want to have to deal with that on my night before weigh-in every week. But this week we did have pizza on Thursday night instead and I still lost 0.8, which was more than I thought all week. So maybe having pizza consistently on fridays before weigh in will be fine.. I do have vegetarian anyway. hmmm.. I think this will be a plan. The only other thing that discourages me is I've heard that Sat's weigh in is lined up out the door, I don't like this, my meeting is already packed and we're in this tiny little room in the basement of the YMCA. Anyway, I can already tell I'm chatty this morning.

So, before this post gets too long I really have to recap the weekend because I had myself convinced that I didn't have such a bad weekend and I'd be up a couple pounds and no big deal, I always get it off and then some. So, I get on the scale this morning and I'm up over 6 lbs!! I can't believe it, I'm sure that I'm retaining fluid but seriously I have to now right out everything I ate this weekend and cringe all the way thru it and please don't judge me..lol I went off plan for 3 days and while it didn't feel like I ate constantly it was still nothing but crap! So.... this is my punishment.

Friday - Cheat Day:
Fruit explosion muffin
Stouffer's Mac & Cheese
2 - 3 cheese pizza pockets
1 slice of bread w/ margerine
Went out to dinner:
1 beer (I always drink light beer, it goes without saying but Canadian light beer is equal to regular American beer - just saying)
3 mozza sticks dipped in ranch dressing
Fish & Chips - hardly ate any fries, they were no good
Evening - more beer
(This doesn't include all the other things I nibbled on and can't remember)

Saturday:
All Bran Buds
Almond milk
blackberries
6.8 km jog
3 bean chili
grilled cheese - made with vegan butter and rice cheese slices

That evening was my cousins Annual Lobster Feast Cottage Party
Let the debauchery begin.
Beer
Chips and more chips
Hot dog with bun
Fruit Tray
Beer
Cheese Oozy Guacamole Bean dip
tostitos scoops & multigrain rounds
2.5 lobsters dripping with butter
Cake
Beer Beer
Chips & Beer
Hotdogs, Chips & Beer
Played lots of Wii... lol

Sunday:
Water.. lol.
Chips
Fruit
1 hotdog with bun 2 more without bun
Came home and slept and slept
Footlong veggie sub
Bowl of special K (at 10pm)
Silk light
Chips

Weight Friday morning 152.8
Weight Monday morning 159.4
Nice
I also just want to say, I wrote NONE of this down so who knows what else I ate and can't even recall. So sad, I'm the biggest advocate of journaling so when I don't I have major guilt about it.

I really feel like I need to be accountable and who best to confess to, the bloggers I love and who love and support me....... because you understand.
SO, this is it!! Back on plan. No more 3 days binge fests. Summer hasn't ever begun and I'm getting out of control. Before this weekend I had 3 lbs to lose to goal. I'm going to get back on plan strictly and get back to basics! If you're still reading thanks for listening.. lol. Heart peeps! xoxoxox

Today I learned...

2010-05-30T19:07:00.000-04:00

... that Avatar is a great movie.
... not much else, had a very unenlightening day :) what are Sundays for.

Today I learned... (May 28)

2010-05-29T08:00:00.000-04:00

... that I have two new followers. Welcome Tami & Dawne!
... that I lost 0.8 lbs.
... that Stouffers Mac & Cheese have 520 cals, 25 g of fat and 1210 mg of sodium. UGH.. If it wasn't my cheat day I would have thrown it right in the garbage, however, I got the craving out of my system. Moving on!

Today I learned...

2010-05-27T19:21:00.000-04:00

... that Alligators are born without a gender and their sex is determined by the temperature of the water they're in.
... that Wii Active is a blast. It doesn't tell you you're burning many calories but I was sweating.

Today I learned...

2010-05-26T19:34:00.000-04:00

... that both Ghandi and Nelson Mandela were lawyers.
... who won BL and DWTS. I won't ruin it for anyone.
... that "Ciao" is an abbreviation for an Italian expression meaning "I am your slave."
... that Kate Gosselin is coming out with 2 new shows. Kate plus 8 and Twist of Kate. I'm excited.

Today I learned...

2010-05-25T18:57:00.000-04:00

... a little about the book/movie Eat Pray Love. I have downloaded the audiobook and will listen to it while I jog. Has anyone read it? Thoughts?
... that Paula Abdul will be on American Idol tomorrow night for Simon's last episode. Sweet.
... that on this day in 1961, JFK announced that before the decade was out they would land a man on the moon and return him safely to earth.

Today I learned...

2010-05-24T19:19:00.000-04:00

... that I love making myself run further. I also burned 505 cal jogging today YAY!
... that Brett Michael's won Celeb Apprentice, good for him.
... that Brittany Murphy's husband died. Sad.
... what happened at the end of Lost. Wow! What did some other lost fans think??

Breaky-Fast

2010-05-24T09:20:00.007-04:00

I was thinking about something that I learned at Weight Watchers on Friday that I should have listed as something learned that day but of course I forgot as I usually do (I have to start carrying a little notebook with me). Anyway, the topic was breakfast and the leader that was subbing said that they had training courses over the weekend and were informed that eating breakfast in the morning does not speed up your metabolism, in fact it has no affect on it at all *drop jaw*. What?? How can this be? I thought that was exactly what it does? Haven't they proved this already? Hasn't the research been done? I don't understand how they can come to this conclusion after they've already come to a previous conclusion!!! Anyway, I digress. She said that its a myth. Apparently, exercise speeds up metabolism... HA no shit. Now, if you'd like to argue this point, by all means. I'm just telling you what she told us and quite frankly all this contradicting information is enough to make someone mental........er.

So, here is why breakfast still remains the most important meal of the day. Its get you going in the morning, and helps you build up your energy for the day. It also prevents you from overeating later, and it helps with mental alertness for the day. When I went looking for some literature on this subject I did find where it mentioned metabolism but only refering to our bodies going into starvation mode after so many hours (about 4) of not eating. The last thing we want is our body holding on to food in any way it can because god forbid we're starving ourselves to death, and then I found this quote that I like...

"Eating breakfast communicates with your body the fact that you are healthy, well fed and not in need of extra fat storage."

Who needs that right??

On another note I ran my furthest today 6.83 km (4.25 miles - *shout out to my American girls*). Its sooooo gorgeous here today, I just got up and ran, it felt amazing! Sweat sweat sweat. I partied pretty good this weekend if I do say so myself and spending yesterday by the pool didn't inspired me to jog one bit.. lol. I did get a great tan though. Me and summer have an on and off relationship but I think right now he/she/it may be here to stay *knock on wood*.

Today I learned...

2010-05-23T19:28:00.000-04:00

... that the Lost finale tonight is 2.5 hours long. I'm so excited and sad at the same time. booo.
... that I'm 10 times more comfortable in my new bathing suit poolside than trying it on in the dressing room. Why do dressing room mirrors suck so bad? Don't they want you to buy their clothes? All dressing rooms should be equiped with skinny mirrors.
... that its been days since I felt like I learned anything blog worthy. Sometimes the lessons are hard to find, still learning to pinpoint the lesson I guess. ;)

Today I learned... (May 21)

2010-05-22T10:08:00.000-04:00

... that Grey's Anatomy's last episode was intense.
... that Kenny Rogers is 71 and has 5 year old twins.
... that rice cheese is really good and I finally found a vegan cheese that melts!!
... that I lost 1.8 at WW, and I'm four pounds away from goal.

Dreams of jobs & weight loss

2010-05-21T07:32:00.001-04:00

Its weigh in day again. I'm feeling pretty good about it I think. I didn't manage to stay within my points all week but the last few days I did and that felt awesome! I'm been dropping all week little by little and I've hit a new low this morning 153.8. YAY. It will be a little more when I get to WW obviously because I always weigh at home sans clothes, but I should still see a nice little loss. I've been able to run a few days this week and I've worked hard with my dad a lot too and that always burns a ton of calories.

So, to talk a little more about this dream job I mentioned before, I'm so excited you can't even imagine. I had said that I draw for a living and what I actually draw is blueprints, mainly commercial buildings, and I love it! I work independently right now but theres just not enough work, finding clients is the hardest part of working for yourself I've found. While theres always tons of work all over the country, companies are leary about hiring someone they've never met and is so far away. Having said all that, there is this job that I've wanted in this town ever since I went to college. Its a major grocery store chain that I worked for since I was 15 and I always wanted to design their stores and remodels and renovations and so on. Well, I completed my internship there and ever since just dreamed of working there, not to mention that there corporate office is a pretty coveted place to work if you live in this town. I never thought that one of these positions would actually become available and it has. I've applied, and also made a phone call to this guy that oversees this position and I know him. Did I mention that my father worked for this company for over 40 years before he retired, and had a pretty sweet position? Well, of course he's already offered to make a phone call but I really feel that the contacts I've made for myself as well as my resume should speak for themselves....................... unless I don't get a call.. lol then they have a major flaw in their system and they will be getting a call haha. The fact of the matter remains though, I am more than qualified for this job, not only should I be guaranteed an interview I should get this job.

Ladies, I've asked everyone to put out positive vibes for me and I need yours too. Positive, positive, positive. Of course I may not get it and I don't want you all to feel bad for me if I don't... it just means someone else was more qualified and of course that might happen, but I'm going to try and remain positve, positive, positive. Also, it doesn't close till the 31 so I have a long time to wait.. blah.

Ok I'm off to WW, wish me luck. Geez I'm asking for a lot these days.. lol